Karen Cartwright
by Western wicked witch
Summary: Karen, thinking while standing centre stage


**Everything belongs to NBC. Except the thoughts of Karen Cartwright. As I have shown here. A few things maybe out of order, but Karen is excited and can't possibly remember everything in order. Please enjoy.**

_Here I was, Centre Stage as Marilyn! _

_Who could have guessed that in roughly six months I'd be here? Well maybe one person...Derek._

_Was it really only six months? Audition after audition, still nothing. But at least I was gaining experience. Dev my boyfriend had defended my career to my parents. They weren't sure I was cut out for cut throat theatre. Too many times watching the Demon Barber of Fleet Street I think._

_Then, Marilyn. What an audition! How many girls dressed up? Seemed like every girl. Me, well I didn't think, I knew it would be a no, so I dressed casual. _

_The panel was made up of Rand, Stiles, Lovett and Broadway legend Derek Wills. They were polite and asked what I was singing. Glancing over to the piano I let the intro talk for me. 'Beautiful' now that, got the director's attention. He sat up listening intently. Yet I was concentrating on the back wall, thinking of Dev._

_The song ended, I gathered my things. Said thank you and left. _

_Later I got a text from the director at ten o'clock at night! It's unheard of, but I was curious. So I left a bewildered Dev._

_I'm shown in and offered a drink. The skyline is magical at night. With those windows you couldn't miss it!_

_Derek wants to see if I have Marilyn in me. I double take, he repeats. I'm about to storm out, when I see the bathroom. I run water over my face, thinking he just didn't say that. I spot a white shirt hanging. Two can play this game; I'm not as innocent as I look._

_I come out in the white shirt, playing the best Marilyn I could. I sing 'Happy Birthday' in a voice as close to Marilyn I have. Derek sits there, looking very pleased. He thought he'd won the prize, and just when he thought it was sealed with a kiss, I tell him 'Never going to happen'. _

_I may have blown my chance of a call-back, but I was glad I had got one up on the director._

_I got the call-back! Me, plus another girl called Ivy Lynn. Broadway was in her blood. She was even in a show as the call-backs were happening. I was a little in awe of her; in my eyes she had made the dream come true._

_I was put through my paces, again and again. I was sore and tired, but for me, this was just as good as the real stage. Who else could say they were being choreographed and directed by Derek Wills? That 'Night' wasn't brought up at that point. Maybe I had gained a sliver of respect._

_I finished, went home, waited and waited. I was even imagining the panel in the coffee house were I worked when I wasn't auditioning._

_I eventually found out I was in the ensemble. To me that's better than 'Next!' Ivy had gotten Marilyn._

_Derek wanted to chat at a bar, telling me I was too good for the ensemble. This was nice until Dev showed up. The two Brits tried to outdo the other on jobs and universities. I for one was not impressed. Dev sweet talked me when we got home though, I was still slightly mad at him being there._

_Next thing I'm in a real rehearsal studio. Dancers, singers, musicians, it was an amazing feeling. Such a buzz of excitement. I tried to mingle but it was made obvious that these dancers were Ivy Lynn's friends. So I went about doing my own thing. But Ivy tried every trick in the book to make me look like a fool. My name seemed to be yelled every two seconds._

_One of the worst times was when Ivy was singing and she wasn't getting enough 'Marilyn' into the song. Again my name was yelled. I had been keeping my head down and not giving anyone a chance to yell at me. It was Derek; he wanted ME to show Ivy how to sing! Was he mad? I was flustered but everyone was watching, 'Happy Birthday' was requested. I sang it and Ivy was fuming. Being shown by a new girl how to sing, must have killed her. Derek looked smug yet again._

_This went on for weeks. To the point where I wondered if I was cut out for this. I had also found out Derek and Ivy were an item. That explained a lot. Some of the dancers eventually brought me into their circle, I think they realised that even their own friend was being unreasonable._

_Derek carried on yelling and I kept going back. This was now about proving a point to me and to the rest of the company. I even went in early just to practice._

_The investor workshop was amazing. Ivy's mother is Leigh Conroy. Not that I would ever say, but I went to most of her big shows growing up. She even sang. Believe me it was even better than I remember. Investors liked Marilyn, but Ivy was off her game. Though if my mother was Leigh. I'd be panicking too._

_I got to cut a CD, work with my favourite band and be a modern twist on Marilyn (which failed) but it made me see the dos and don'ts of theatre workshops._

_With all the rehearsals and late nights, Dev and I hardly saw each other. On one occasion he treated me like a naughty child for not turning up to a dinner. Even though I had been dressed and ready to go, there was only the one time to run a particular scene. I didn't know it would run over. _

_At another meal Dev had me sent to another table. The reporter RJ was moving in and I was no where near to do anything. Even making out in the car, her name kept coming up. I started feeling uneasy about her around Dev._

_Previews were getting close, Ivy had went off the rails, nearly ended her career. But work had to be done, with no Ivy, Tom and Julia picked me. Even if it was only for a week I was Marilyn. Seemly they had gotten Hollywood star, Rebecca Duvall to agree to be Marilyn. And I was to be her Understudy! _

_Ivy got back in the show, sent to the ensemble. Yet she was back. _

_Derek came one night in person to the apartment. To apologise for his behaviour that 'Night' though talk about bad timing. I was gearing up for a romantic evening with Dev. Wearing something sexy, I opened the door to who I thought was Dev and Derek stood there. As I tried to cover my modesty, I noticed Derek have a quick glance and that look was back. The same look from previous. Dev saw him coming out of the apartment and punched him. I ran to break them up. I didn't know who I should have been saying sorry to and what for. Talking? Dev was sent to the doghouse._

_Rebecca was stunning. She was very pretty. So her voice wasn't Broadway, but with work I'm sure it could be passable. Excited as I was, Dev got moodier. He didn't even tell me that he missed out on a promotion. My 'friendship' with Rebecca only made it worse. They clashed at dinner one night._

_Boston couldn't have come at a better time, I needed space, and I needed to feel the stage below my feet. I tried to be there when Rebecca needed me. She really was just as nervous as me. This eased my nerves. Ivy wasn't happy in the ensemble. Skulking about, being moody though one night I found out why. Derek and Rebecca? An item? _

_With Derek's reputation I did wonder how much of it was an act and how much was real. One morning I had been rehearsing in an 'empty' room, but I swore I felt someone watching. Though I had decided it was exhaustion. Was it Derek? He even got a day dreamy look sometimes when we talked. Or the day when he told me he saw me as Marilyn, there was that look, wistful it seemed._

_Then Dev surprised me by showing up during tech, proposing and telling me he had nearly slept with RJ. So why after a fight did I agree to take him back? I will never know._

_Opening night! Full house, Rebecca was centre stage, and I was swept up in the show. Dev had left, with us up in the air. And he wouldn't answer his phone. The final scene came, Rebecca 'died' with grace. But wait no applause. Even I knew that wasn't right. Some kind person started clapping. We ran on and bowed._

_A preview was cancelled as someone tried to 'poison' Rebecca. She spent the night in hospital and told me she wasn't coming back to the show. She wondered why I wasn't excited, I told her understudies don't go on till after previews. My guess would be Ivy would finish the previews. Meetings where called for the big wigs. _

_Some of us went to church, we needed a lift. Dev had come back, but something was wrong though I couldn't place it._

_We were waiting in the theatre. Ivy and I both took calls at the same time, her mum and Dev. Then when were all called into the auditorium. Derek's voice rang out calling my name; I was to go on, tonight! This man WAS mad, but I went on stage and was handed the book, hoping I could remember the script. The songs were second nature._

_I rang Dev to give him the good news and to tell him to come and watch._

_Costumes, hmmm I didn't feel comfortable at all. I was even referred to as a sack of turnips. Classic, Derek. 'I never knew a Man...' was humiliating. I missed the cue, and my name rang out again. I seriously thought of changing my name at that point. _

_I had had enough. I came on the stage in my underwear holding the dress high and told Derek I was trying. Second time worked. I loved that song! The energy! The dances! I finished on a high, only to hear Eileen say I wouldn't make it in time for curtain up. I stormed into the dressing room, upset, sat down and saw the engagement ring._

_The only person there was Ivy. And in a weird way I think she enjoyed telling me about sleeping with Dev. I couldn't believe it. Dev wouldn't do that to me. I stalked past Derek and Eileen and into the stalls. Dev was there. I showed him the ring. He asked where had I found it. Where else and who else, 'Poison Ivy' showed me. He thought we were over. News to me! He rambled we could get through it. It took everything for me not to slap him right there. I was called to the stage. Thank goodness. _

_Eileen started talking, here it was, the talk. I looked to Derek, silently hoping, praying he would make this all stop. And he did. He took my hand and led me away from Eileen. They still had words, but he was sticking up for me. He led me back into the wings to sort the cue. Though, I couldn't go on._

_I threw the wig off and ran, I didn't care where. I couldn't take it, it was all too much, and who was I kidding. I ended up in wardrobe. Took off my costume and curled myself behind the rail of costumes. The tears streamed down. I heard the door, heard something fall to the floor, and then the rail of clothes parted like a curtain. I knew it was Derek. Even standing still, you knew when he was there. I told him to go away, he wouldn't. He tried all he had, even asking what had happened. I looked at him, his guard was down. He was genuine, what he said, wasn't patter, or lines. It was truth._

_He helped me up, handed me a dress, it was beautifully purple. So Marilyn Monroe. We went back on stage in no time. Ivy was dressed as Marilyn; I made sure she knew I'm not going anywhere. Her face fell._

_Curtain up and the show flies in, before I know it, I'm putting on the golden Marilyn dress. I feel my zip being pulled up, there is that presence again, he strokes my waist, makes me believe that he truly knows I'm a star. He whispers a secret truth. I stand centre stage. Right here, right now belting out the final song. I sing with all my heart. I hear the thunderous applause. I run off into the wings. I see Derek. I'm shaking. He notices and takes my hand. He holds it until I'm the last to go on. I stand to an ovation. I pray Marilyn sees this and hope I've done her justice._

**Please read and review. Trying to bottle Karen is not as easy as you would think. Thank you for reading. I hope I did Karen justice.**


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